In Our (white) Feelings on the Path to Antiracism

How to Get Unstuck

This week, I met a young white woman named Jess, who was deep in her feelings. Michelle and I were speaking (virtually) at a company’s Juneteenth event, and when we entered the conversation part of the presentation, Jess was one of the first to volunteer with a question. Participants don’t always turn on their cameras when they unmute, but Jess did. With her whole company watching and listening, she shared a personal experience that left her rattled. She had recently hired a young man (“who happened to be Black”), and when he showed up in a Black Lives Matter shirt, she blurted, “I like your shirt.” I’ll admit, after this opening, I was a bit worried about where this story was going, but I soon found out I didn’t need to be. According to Jess, the man reacted with a “look” — and her perception of it was one of judgment, or annoyance. Afterward, she told us she spent the entire day obsessing over having said the wrong thing, feeling guilty and ashamed, and wondering how she could do better. I don’t share this story in judgment of Jess — on the contrary. I share it because as she told the story, I physically felt, and identified deeply with, her reaction and feelings of shame, guilt and discomfort.

When I first was getting to know Michelle, my now partner in our organization From Privilege to Progress, I…